Why Me?
by stripeybandit
Summary: All he wanted was a stupid shower, but no, nothing could ever be that simple for Jim Kirk.  Rated for Jim's mouth and a side helping of Bones. R&R!
1. Soap Suds and Sleep Deprivation

**Summary: All he wanted was a stupid shower, but no, nothing was ever that simple for Jim Kirk.**

**A/N: This is my first time writing something like this so i hope you all like it, heh. I already have two more chapters of this written, so if i get a good response then I'll be posting them up too.**

**A/N 2: Contrary to popular belief, my name is not J.J Abrams or Gene Rodenberry, and I don't own Jim, or Spock. :( BUT, I do own the new film on blue ray! :D **

**On to the story!**

* * *

**Soap Suds and Sleep Deprivation**

Jim was tired.

Incredibly, amazingly tired.

He had been up all night doing paperwork. Paperwork! Of all of the things he could have been doing last night, it just HAD to be paperwork. Paperwork was evil. If there was a scale for evilness from one to ten, Nero would be a ten and then paperwork would be an eleven. Paperwork was the evilest most evil thing there was. Argh, see? Even Jim could tell he was exhausted because he was rambling. James Kirk _does not_ ramble.

_Ever._  
Except now, apparently.

he stretched lazily as he plodded to the bathroom in that sleepy way that people do when they are only half awake. Once he opened the door a waft of warm air hit him in the face, causing him to blink sleepily. ...Huh? Jim looked around the bathroom, puzzled, before shaking his head. The heating system must have malfunctioned again, he'd have to get on to Scotty about that...Right after a nice shower.

The captain closed the door and locked it, just in case. He always had this insane felling when he was getting a shower that someone was going to come in, but he never knew why. Odd.

Jim quickly took hold of his shirt and pulled it off, looking into the mirror. He looked at his face. He had small dark patches of skin under his eyes from where he had been awake for so long and his hair was sticking out at odd angles all over his head. Desperatley, he tried to flatten down some of the metaphorical bush that was now his hair, but it just sprang back up again like it was being held on strings.

Jim grunted in frustration and turned away from the mirror to take off the rest of his clothes. After he was done he moved towards the shower that was situated in the corner of the small room. It was a real water shower with an old fashioned shower curtain and everything, since he hated using the sonic one. It reminded him of being back in Iowa, when his shower only had two settings: freeze to death, or second degree burns. Jim smiled briefly in thought, before coming back to the real world.

He pulled the shower curtain back a small amount as he stepped inside and was immediately hit with hot water. His eyes closed in relaxation as the water hit his tired muscles. Jim turned around to reach for the soap and screamed (in a manly way, obviously. Definately not like a little girl. No.) in fright, dropping it.

"Spock! What the _hell _are you doing in my shower?"

Spock looked just as suprised as he was. For a vulcan anyway. His whole body was tensed up in shock, eyes slightly wide, with his hands still in his hair full of soap suds. Spock floundered silently for a moment, his mouth opening and closing like a fish.

"C-Captain?" He finally choked out.  
He felt his cheeks going green. What was _wrong_ with him? Vulcans did not stutter!

Jim just stared at him, wide eyed, completely shocked. Why was Spock in his shower? And why didn't he _NOTICE?_ Spock was still frozen, the water running over his head, washing the soap in a trail down his body.

Jim found his eyes following the water's path while his brain tried to pick itself up off of the bathroom floor. The soap travelled down the side of Spock's throat, past his collarbone and further down over his chest. Jim's brain was screaming at him from the floor to stop staring but his eyes were fascinated. He'd never thoguht that he would end up in a situation like this, ever. The humour of the situation crept up on him and he almost laughed aloud at the ridiculousness of it all. Distantly, his brain (which was ucrrently preoccupied) realised that this could be construed as him checking Spock out, but he didn't really care, he watch too much in shock and too tired to be bothered. He thinks he might have gone crazy from lack of sleep.

The little trail continued, down over Spock's washboard abdomen and down, past his navel and _oh my GOD Jim was NOT going to look any further because Spock was NAKED__._

Meanwhile, Spock was confused. He had gotten into the shower and was in the process of cleaning when Jim entered. How did her not hear him? Surely a Vulcan's superior hearing could pick up his movements. Even for Jim this was unusual behaviour, did humans often share showers? Spock's imagination conjured up the image of of Jim and Doctor McCoy in the shower and Spock felt like he wanted to clean his brain with soap. An illogical action, yet he felt it would be necessary. Hmm.

Jim snapped his eyes shut tightly and his brain must have magically popped back into his head because he finally found that he could move. He took a step backwards and -God it was just NOT his day today- slipped, almost cracking his head off the tiles.

Luckily, Spock's brain must have recovered too, because his hand was suddenly gripping Jim's arm and pulling him steady. Jim nearly sagged in sudden weariness. All he wanted was a stupid shower but no, Apock had to be there and ruin it and then his brain had to be on the floor and..._Argh!_ He was rambling again!

Spock was getting slightly concerned.

"Captain? You do realize that on this vessel the Captain and First Officer are required to share an adjoining bathroom facility?"

Jim nearly jumped out of his skin, and almost slipped (_again_!). Forwards this time. Spock reacted quickly andgrabbed hold of Jim around the shoulders, effectively stopping all movement. Thank God Spock had quick reaction times because Jim would've flattened him by now otherwise.

Jim gave a nervous laugh and blushed the brightest red he had ever been in his life. This was so _awkward!_

"Well then, I'll just-"

The intercom on the wall beeped and Uhura's voice radiated out of the speakers.

"Bridge to Capain Kirk."

Jim's whole body froze, as did Spock's.

"...Er, yes?" Jim finally stuttered.  
Spock looked horrified. Well... there ws no expression on his face but Jim liked to think that Spock was jsut as horrified as he was.

"You are needed on the bridge, sir. As is Commander Spock, I was just about to contact him-"

"NO!" Spock flinched as Jim's voice rang down his ear. "I mean... I'll tell him! Yeah! I'll go and get him... far quicker...yeah."

The line was silent for a moment as Uhura blinked at her microphone in puzzlement.

"...Yes sir, Uhura out."

Jim sighed and slumped in relief, but Spock was just as tense as he was before.

"Well...I'll just..." Jim practically leaped from the shower, throwing clothes left and right and putting them on and desperately trying to fix his stupid hair that won't stop sticking up while simultaneously shouting numerous profanities in various languages.

Spock thought his captain's ability to multi-task when under pressure was admirable.

* * *

When Jim finally stumbled onto the bridge everyone turned to look at him. This was not unusual. What _was_ unusual though, was the quiet laughter that followed.

"What? Do I have something on my face?" The sniggering only got louder into Sulu finally spoke up.

"Lost something, sir?"

Jim's face immediatley took on a puzzled expression as he looked around the bridge. Spock was at his station already, silent as usual but there was amusement clear on his face, and was it just him or were Spock's cheeks slightly green? He glanced down at his shirt and felt a combination of horror and embarrassment light his face up a deep scarlet.

He was wearing Spock's shirt.

_Damnit all to hell!_

_

* * *

_

**What do you think? Like it, Dont like it? **

**Reviews make Spock flush green with joy!**


	2. Dinner and Dancing Tomatoes

**A/N: The editing on the first chapter was all messed up, so i had to delete the story and fix it. D: BUT. Here is Chapter Two as an apology!**

**I OWN STAR TREK. ...Okay, not really. :(**

**

* * *

****Dinner and Dancing Tomatoes**

Things between Spock and Jim were awkward at best.

Since the "Shower Incident" (as a voice in the back of his brain –that sounded ridiculously like Chekov- had so affectionately called it), Jim couldn't even _LOOK_ at Spock without feeling embarrassed.

And to top it all off, rumours were flying around. Embarrassing rumours. Jim thought his face was going to be permanently red by the end of the five year mission they were on.

He was in the mess hall with Scotty and Bones when he first heard it.

"Did you see what happened on the bridge yesterday?"

There were a group of women all huddled around their table like a bunch of school girls. Gossiping. About him. Didn't they have anything better to do? Like...Their jobs maybe? Why couldn't God just take mercy on Jim and kill him now?

"No, what happened?"

"The captain was wearing a science officer's shirt!" There was a collective gasp from the gossiping table. Jim rolled his eyes in irritation and took a sip of his drink. He was right across the room and he could STILL hear them!

"And did you see Spock's face? I think he was blushing!" There was a chorus of "awwh" and "how cute!" Jim felt like he wanted to throw his drink at the wall. Well...better drink it before he did, having liquid all over the wall and floor would be messy. He took another swig, still vaguely listening to the gossip table from hell.

"Do...do you think they're...together?" One of the girls inquired nervously.

Jim inhaled so sharply that his drink went down the wrong hole and he started to choke on it. _W-What?_ Spock and he weren't TOGETHER! The whole idea of it was just plain... _ridiculous_!

Bones and Scotty looked at him like he was a god damn dancing tomato. Well... he probably could've been, with all the flailing he was doing while he coughed his lungs up, and he could feel his cheeks getting hotter by the second.

"Are ye' alright Captain?" Scotty was confused.

"Y—"Another small cough. "Yeah, drink just went down the wrong way." The Scotsman nodded and Jim thought he was in the clear until he saw Bones frowning at him. Oh, _hell_. Jim knew that look. It was the: _"You WILL tell me everything RIGHT NOW or I will jab you full of so many hyposprays that you'll fall into a coma!"_ look. Jim was about to tell him that he could take his hypos and shove them somewhere uncomfortable; when the whole room went quiet.

The captain glanced around the room curiously. Everyone's eyes were rooted to the door on the left side of the mess hall. When he finally saw what brought everyone's attention his baby blues nearly bugged out of his head.

Spock was walking towards his table, straight backed and expressionless as usual, his eyes locked on Jim. The Vulcan's hands were behind his back, holding something Jim couldn't see. Jim practically squirmed in his seat, everyone was looking at him! When Spock finally reached Jim he held his arms out, offering the object to him.

It was Jim's shirt.

The gossip table gasped in unison, and Jim felt like bashing his head against the table repeatedly. Spock leaned closer to him, but his voice didn't lower in volume. Odd.

"Captain, I suggest that next time you require a means of personal hygiene you should endeavour to use the sonic shower, as two people sharing one cubicle is...uncomfortable."

Spock's cheeks were turning a light shade of green and Jim felt like strangling him to death. Instead, he nodded tightly and tried to suppress the urge to grab the Vulcan by the shoulders and shake him until his brains fell out of his head.

The shirt was dropped into his lap, and before he knew it Spock had disappeared with the _'shfftt'_ noise of the automatic doors.

Jim gripped his shirt incredibly tightly as the chatter in the room restarted with a chorus of high pitched squeals from the gossip table, and tuned back to his two friends.

Scotty's mouth had dropped wide open, his fork falling from his hand and clattering onto his plate. Bones' eyebrows had risen so high they were almost in his hair.

"So...is it the hair or the ears?"

"Shut _up_, Bones!"

_Just when he thought things couldn't get any worse._

"The ears, then."

"_Argh!_"

* * *

**HOHOHOHO. Looks like everybody knows!**

**What do you think? Like it, Dont like it? **

**Reviews make Jim squeal like a little girl.**


	3. Music and Mayhem

**A/N: Gah! I'm really sorry about not uploading sooner! This was already in my computer, finished and I completely forgot to upload it! I thought it was already up! D: **

**Ah well.. Here it is, Number 3!~**

**Disclaimer: If I owned star trek it probably wouldnt be allowed to go public. xD**

* * *

Music and Mayhem

It had been a slow week for the Enterprise and Spock had found himself in an illogical predicament.

He was bored.

He had finished his duties, meditated for at least two hours and gone over his paperwork more times than he wanted to remember. The Vulcan leaned back in his chair and tried to think of something he needed to do and almost frowned when he realised there were no tasks he needed to finish. Finally, he decided to visit Jim.

Though their friendship had been rocky since the incident two days ago, (and of course, yesterday) he was 95.7% certain it could be resolved -and hopefully forgotten- over a game of chess. With that thought in mind, Spock picked up his 3D chess board and set off for the Captain's quarters.

Once he had reached Jim's door he put in the security override and it automatically opened. His ears were immediately assaulted by old 21st century music blasting from the room and he flinched. Spock edged around the door and peered into the room, searching for his Captain. What he saw made him almost drop his chess board.

There was Jim –in nothing but boxer shorts and his patterned Tom and Jerry socks- dancing. In his living room. Dancing. Spock almost pinched himself to check this wasn't some sort of odd dream he had experienced during meditation. But no. It was real. Jim was there, his back turned to Spock, wiggling hi hips and –Singing? Into his hairbrush.

"Yaah, I'll tell ya what I want, what I really really want! So tell me what ya want, what ya really really want!" Another wiggle of the hips and a nodding of the head and then Jim was turning, and doing some sort of weird dance with his arms that Terrans do when they are celebrating, (the Macarena, his brain helpfully supplied) brush in hand. He was turning, turning, almost at a point where Spock would be visible and Spock felt an irrational need to jump inside the closet next to him before he was caught gaping at his captain, stunned.

"I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, you know I really really really want a—SPOCK!"

Jim dropped the hairbrush and stumbled back into the old fashioned music player, making the music stop instantly. His face was so red it could've been mistaken for a strawberry.

A tense couple of seconds followed, in which Spock stared at Jim in utter shock, the chess board dangling from his now limp arms. Jim was panting, exhausted from all the dancing and looking for all intents and purposes like the kid who got caught with both hands in the cookie jar.

"Captain?" Spock finally blurted.

Jim flinched and stared at Spock with slightly panicked eyes before taking a deep breath.

"I can explain all this, really! Last night..."

"Captain."

"And so I said "All right! It's the ears!" ..."

"Captain."

"...lunging at me with a hypo, and then Scotty..."

"Jim!"

Jim froze, snapping his mouth closed as he stared at Spock.

"May I inquire as to what you were doing?"

"D-dancing?" It sounded like Jim wasn't so sure himself. Spock's eyebrow tilted upwards and Jim's blush spread all the way up his forehead and down his neck.

Spock set the chess board down on the table and walked towards him. Jim gulped, embarrassed that he had been caught and wondering what Spock was going to do. Spock stopped when there was about a foot of space between them and peered over Jim's shoulder. The old fashioned music player displayed the captain's song choice in glaring green letters.

"The...'Spice Girls'?"

Jim groaned and slapped his own forehead.

"Yeah...they were a really popular group on Earth years ago."

"Fascinating."

There was a soft 'shfftt' noise as the doors to Jim's room opened and both occupants stiffened. The only other person with the security override was...

"Right! I don't wanna hear any excuses! Your physical is due and you're gettin' it whether you like it or—whoa."

Bones' grumpy expression fell away to be replaced by shock as he strode into the room, hypo at the ready. The scene that he walked in on was unusual to say the least.

Jim was backed up against the old stereo, blushing from the base of his neck to the roots of his hair with only his boxers on –and were those Tom and Jerry socks?- and Spock was inches away from being pressed up against him, his head over Jim's shoulder, practically breathing down his neck.

The doctor looked to Jim, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Do I need to leave you two alone, or do you wat some help fending off your pointy-eared rapist, Jim?"

The tips of Spock's ears turned a dull green and he turned his head to glare at Bones.

"I can assure you, Doctor, I do not wish to harm the Captain."

"You want some alone time then, huh?" Bones grinned widely, winking to Jim. "Have fun kid."

Jim opened his mouth to protest, but Bones was already gone, his sniggers echoing past the closed doors.

"Just wait until I tell Scotty about THIS..."

Jim groaned in despair, dropping his head to Spock's shoulder. If Bones was going to tell Scotty then Scotty was going to tell Sulu and Sulu was going to tell Chekov and then Chekov was going to tell EVERYONE...

"Crap."

"Indeed."

Jim wondered if he had done something awful in his past life, because something was obviously out to get him.

* * *

**What did you think? Like, Love, hate?**

**Pressing the review button makes a box of tribbles fall on Bones' head!**


End file.
